


everything I need I get from you (givin' back is all I wanna do)

by badwoIIf



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:47:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25775356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwoIIf/pseuds/badwoIIf
Summary: “It’s just...  what if I’m not good at it?”Her question is barely a whisper like she doesn’t want him to hear her doubts or fear.  “At what?” Joel asks.“Being a mom, raise a kid. I love her for so long, Joel. What if I can’t do it?.”ORThe scenario where everyone lives. Abby never founds Jackson. Ellie has to learn how to be a mother.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 237
Collections: Finishedstoriesmine





	everything I need I get from you (givin' back is all I wanna do)

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone,  
> this is my biggest fic so far and I'm very happy about writing something that isn't kind of depressing.  
> let me address a few things: there is no abby in this story, joel and tommy didn't make to the lookout because they found a family needing help and took them back to Jackson. jesse still shows up in eugene's weed place and caught ellie and dina, but after that they just go back to the city together. no one dies! 
> 
> also: this is the first time I try to write smut, so be nice, ok? and i still have no beta, once again just me and my google docs so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> ps: the title is from the song "i want to write you a song" by one direction.

**...**

“I think I’m pregnant.” is what Dina says after Ellie asks if she is ‘feeling ok’ after throwing up for the second time that morning, and just like that Ellie’s mind goes blank.

Her body involuntarily takes two steps back and she ends up with her lower back pressed against the bathroom sink, her eyes staring at Dina but the other woman could see she is sparkling with the new information. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not yours.” she knows this is just Dina being Dina, trying to light up the mood with a terrible joke during a terrible moment, usually this kind of thing makes her laugh but not this time.

“You are what?” she isn’t able to control her voice, it cracks, full of confusion and even anger. She puts her hands in the sink behind her and presses hard, as a way of keeping herself standing still and not fall on her knees in front of the other woman. “What do you mean by that?”

“Ellie, calm down…”

“Calm down? What? You just told me you are pregnant, Dina.” she really tries to stay calm but isn’t able to keep her voice low, she feels bad for being this angry at a situation like this but it’s just too much stuff currently running on her mind. “How long you knew?”

“I didn’t, I still don’t,” seeing the level of stress that the other woman is about all this Dina gets up from the floor and sits on the lid of the toilet. It doesn’t help that the bathroom is tiny, sitting in front of Ellie makes their knees touch lightly. “I was late a few weeks ago and -”

“A few weeks? And you kept this from me?”

“I wasn’t sure.” now is Dina’s turn to raise her voice, she was being calm for both of them since the moment she felt the urge to trow up and heard Ellie following her, but this is a huge thing for her as well and the last thing she needs is this happening.

“You are unbelievable.” just like that, Ellie leaves the bathroom in fast pacing. 

Dina waits for a moment but doesn’t listen to the bedroom door being slammed or the steps of someone going down the stairs, so she stands for a while to make sure she isn’t going to puke again and walks slowly to her bedroom where she finds Ellie sitting at the end of the bed with her elbows on top of her knees and her face being covered by the hands.

She doesn’t go near Ellie, she just stays close to the bathroom door, leaning against the wall.

“This why you been all weird the last couple days.” the voice is muffled behind the hands, but still clear enough for Dina to understand. It’s true that Dina has been acting a little weird in the few days prior, but she didn’t though much into, maybe it was a problem during patrol or whatever, the last thing Ellie expects is a fetus growing up inside her being the cause of that.

“Since we got together I had no reason to worry about my period, so I just assumed it was late for whatever reason” she answers in a calm voice, but somehow her effort of being clam and collective about his is making the other woman angry because right after the words leave her mouth Ellie raises her head and there is so much pain in her eyes that is enough to make Dina worry.

“When it happened?” there is so much betrail in her voice, she avoids looking at Dina’s eyes and keeps her gaze towards everywhere else in the room.

“When what happened?”

“I did go with Joel in that search in that city a few miles away, the one I stayed a few days off, it was almost the only night we stayed apart.” Ellie gives up speaking with Dina and just starts to whisper to herself, trying to make a time-line in her mind about this whole mess. 

“What on earth are you talking about it?” the patience in Dina has reach zero, everything is already too much and the last thing she needs is Ellie making it harder.

“Who was it?”

“Ellie, you’re not making sense.”

“Who is the father?” to ask that she gets up, stands in front of the bed and takes two steps to be in front of Dina, she doesn’t look scary or even angry anymore, she just looks confused with all this, just looks like someone waiting for an answer.

“What you mean? Of course is Jesse.” after declaring like is the most obvious thing in the world and see the hurt crossing Ellie’s eyes everything clicked in Dina’s mind about Ellie’s line of thought. “Ellie, you think I cheated on you?”

It’s like after the question leaves Dina’s mouth her whole line of thought becomes ridiculous, so she doesn’t say anything, she just stares at Dina’s brown eyes and can see tears starting accumulating there, so the reaction of her own body is producing tears as well, even if she tries to hold back with all her strength. 

The scene is quite sad to be honest, Ellie knows this. 

“Wow, you know Ellie? This is exactly what I needed, really. Thank you.”

“Dina, I’m sor-”

“You can shove your apologies in your ass. How dare you think that I cheated on you?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m still not thinking straight.” she passes one of her hands in her hair in a clear signal of desperation “I feel like we are together for ages and you show up one day and tell me you are pregnant.”

“Screw you, Ellie. We have been together for one month and a half, two months ago I still dated a man, you know? Someone capable of getting me pregnant.”

“I’m sorry, my mind just went to the worst-case scenario.”

“Good to see how much you trust me.”

“I do trust you, I know that how I react at first is fucked, but I do. I’m so sorry, Dina.”

Everything stays quiet for a while, one standing in front of the other without touching, without looking at each other, just absorbing everything that just happened on their own.

Finally, Ellie breaks the silence with the million-dollar question for her at that moment “What do you want to do about it?”

“What do you mean?”

“About the..” she allows her gaze to linger at Dina’s stomach, asking the question without saying much.

“I don’t even know if I am really pregnant.”

“I know, but if you are, what do you want to do about it?”

“I have no idea, I guess I will have to tell Jesse and probably his parents.” she lets out a sigh, tired of just the idea of going through all that. “You are a fucking idiot to think even for a second that I would cheat on you.”

“I know.” she whispers, stepping in Dina’s personal space again and leading her hand to hold hers, she is glad that the other woman didn’t pull away. 

They share a quiet moment while they both digest all that has just happened, as much as it’s weird it’s still comfortable. Dina rests her head on Ellie’s shoulder, taking deep breaths and still holding her hand tightly.

“What am I going to do with a baby, Ellie?” she mumbles on Ellie’s shoulder, not moving one bit and not allowing Ellie to move as well, keeping her close while sounding tired and worried.

“I honestly don’t know, never crossed my mind the possibility of getting pregnant.”

“Lucky you.”

“I’m sure you will get tons of support. I mean, Jesse would never turn his back on you and neither would his parents.”

“What about you?” when she asks that Ellie can hear how fragile her voice is, how scared she is of asking this question, how terrified it is to wait for an answer that can lead them to an end. 

“Me?”

Dina lets out sight before starting speaking in her serious voice “Ellie, I think you should go home.”

“What? Why?”

“Because look at how you react to the possibility of me being pregnant.” she doesn’t need to say anything else, Ellie’s cheeks burn with embarrassment, she has no idea what is happening in Dina’s mind but she knows her initial reaction only made things worse. “if I am, I need you to really think if this is something you will be able to deal with because it’s serious. I care so much about you, I like you so much and I want a future with you, but you need to ask yourself if this possibility is something you can be ok with it.”

Ellie doesn’t say anything, she just takes it in, letting her mind wander to the million possibilities of how things would end up for them if they added a newborn baby in the mix. “I-”

“You should go home.” she repeats, cutting Ellie before she can really initiate her sentence. This time looking at Ellie’s eyes so she could see she isn’t mad about anything, she is just really tired.

“Oh, ok, yeah. I will. Do you need someone to take you to the doctor?”

“I will deal with it, don’t worry about it.” this is being said with a small smile appearing in her lips, she squeezes Ellie’s hand before letting go. 

“Ok, I guess I’ll go.” and then she steps out of their weird embrace, walking slowly towards the bedroom door when her hand touches the knob she turns back to Dina and says “I’m sorry again.”

“I know.”

**…**

When Joel gets home after his shift patrolling he finds Ellie sitting on the steps of the house. He is a little taken aback at the vision, it’s true that he and she are now in better terms, they are talking more, she doesn’t ignore his existence, she had dinner with him a few times and made fun of his cooking. But the whole thing is weird, she is just sitting there, in the cold, with her head between her knees, looking unaware of his presence.

“Everything alright, kiddo?” he asks when stands in front of her but she still didn’t look up, maybe too lost on her own mind, so he puts a hand on her shoulder and shakes a bit, she doesn’t look at him but she lifts her head from her knees and now stares at the from with foggy eyes. “I thought you were gonna stay at Dina’s.”

“I don’t -.”

“You guys had a fight?” he tries his best to try to act cool and respect her privacy at the same time.

“Dina thinks she is pregnant.” Ellie just says, without too much chitchat, but when she looks at Joel’s he is staring at her with shock and confusion written all over his face, Ellie just rolls her eyes at him “Obviously isn’t mine, Joel. You know it’s impossible for me to knock some girl up, right?”

“I knew that.” he says trying to sound serious but clearly is still making sure he didn’t hear wrong. 

When he doesn’t say anything else Ellie just lets out a growl and drops her head on her knees again. Joel looks around to make sure nobody is watching them, after he has his confirmation he drops his bag on the floor and sits on the steps next to Ellie.

“You want to tell me how that happened?” he doesn’t look at her, instead he finds his neighbor’s house so interesting all of the sudden.

Ellie stays in silence for a few moments, wondering if she really wants to explain the whole thing to Joel, even if she knows how to explain. So the only thing she says at the start is “It’s Jesse’s.”

“Ok.”

“She didn’t cheat on me or anything,” she says weirdly fast, her own guilt for jumping into that conclusion so fast taking over her, so she wouldn’t let anyone else think that “it was before we got together, before the dance where we kissed, just… I don’t know she took a long time to connect the dots, I guess.”

“But she could still not be pregnant, right?”

The young woman only shakes her head, giving him a negative answer without having to vocalize. “She has been weird for a while, and I saw her throwing up twice and last than an hour.”

“Yeah, I remember Sarah’s mom going through that too.” Joel comments more to himself than for Ellie, taking this information as the only proof they need about the subject.

Ellie just lets out a whine at that information “What do I do, Joel?”

“I don’t know, kiddo. What did she tell you?”

“She said I should think about it if I can handle the situation if she is in fact pregnant.”

“She is right, you know?” He says without even thinking, receiving a mad glare from Ellie. “This is very serious, Ellie.”

“I know.” she responds annoyed.

“You don’t, it’s a lot, Ellie.” he goes into full dad mode for that, most of the times Ellie just find it funny when he does that but in this particular moment she doesn’t want a little speech he is about to give but a solution. “That’s why she asked you to think about it because if you decide to stay this will be your kid as well, you won’t be able just to walk away whenever you want. You will have responsibilities.”

“Joel we have been together for a few months, this is so fucked.”

He is surprised by her reaction, pressing his lips in a fine line like he does when she gives him a wrong answer to something he asked. “I thought you liked her.”

“I do, It’s just… this changes everything.”

“It does, kiddo.”

She stretches her arms on top of her knees and stays like this for a while, only moving her hands when she keeps touching her fingers in a clear signal of flutter. “It’s just what if I’m not good at it?”

Her question is barely a whisper like she doesn’t want him to hear her doubts or fear. “At what?” Joel asks.

“Being a mom, raise a kid. I love her for so long, Joel. What if I can’t do it?.”

“Nobody is sure they can do it, Ellie. It’s part of the ride, that’s why you work on it, you prepare yourself, you try your best.” he says calmly, being sure to give her a small, pressing her body closer to his by his arm. “You are not going to find the answer to that question now, the only thing you can do at this moment is thinking if you can imagine your life with that person, being a family, growing old together, loving her for years and years. If you can, then it’s worth the try, don’t you think?” 

He gets up after finishing his question, letting Ellie thinking about what he just said. “You wanna come in? I can make dinner for both of us.”

“Yeah, I will be right inside.” she says but makes no movement of following him inside.

**…**

A week later she is knocking on Dina’s door.

She doesn’t let Dina confirm or deny if she is pregnant or not, she just says “I’m in.” with the courage she gathered during all those seven days. 

Dina spends some time analyzing her, next thing she knows there are hands on both sides of her face and she is being kissed.

**…**

The conversation with Jesse and his parents is super awkward, for a moment they seem to think that Dina and Jesse are getting back together and totally ignoring Ellie sitting on the couch next to Dina and holding her hand. Jesse has to speak something in Korean to them so they can understand the situation.

Joel is also there, standing behind the couch with his hands on his pockets, so everything is even weirder. He insisted on going, promised he wouldn’t overstep anything so he is just there listening for the most part until Jesse’s parents suggest Dina to move in with them to help with the kid.

Dina has to step in and make herself clear that she ain’t moving in with anyone, she has a house and whoever wants to help will have to spend time there with her. Ellie feels her hand squeezing a bit harder during that part. 

**…**

“Can you play something for me?” Dina asks lifting her head from the creek of Ellie’s neck right after the film they both are watching ends.

It’s late at night and they are in Ellie’s place spending some time together, since Dina stop going off on patrol because of the pregnancy their quality time was cut in half, so now they just get together after Ellie comes back from her shift.

“Now?” the taller woman lazily asks while still laying in bed making no effort to get up, continuing tracing circles on Dina’s backside under her shirt.

“Yes, now.” the shorter woman sits down, stretching her arms on top of her head and with that giving a peek of her belly since the tanktop got up with her movement, she isn’t showing much in fact a person who doesn’t know Dina’s body under all the layers of clothes she normally uses would never think she is pregnant. She takes advantage of Ellie’s distraction ogling her girlfriend's body and starts tickling her with both of her hands for the lack of enthusiasm for her request.

Ellie is taken by surprise by the attack, squirming in bed so she could be out of the reach of Dina’s hands. “Ouch, stop with that.” 

“Cmon, it’s been a while since you played something for me.”

Ellie lets out a growl, wrapping her arms around Dina’s lower back since she is still laying in bed and the other woman is sitting. “I’m so tired because of my shift, Dina. My arm is killing me for bringing back that bag with weapons.”

“Oh please, your arm strength was just fine a few hours ago.” she untangles herself from Ellie and gets up, walking towards the direction of Ellie’s desk and leaving the vision camp of the older woman. “Besides, what is the point of dating a musician if you don’t get private concerts?”

“Oh, so that’s the real reason you are dating me?”

“Well, that and the fact you accept raising my baby after I got knock up by somebody else.”

“You know, as much as I think this is a great joke, can we agree of you not making it in front of other people?”

“Why, babe? Afraid people will make fun of you?” she jokes but her voice is a little muffled and Ellie turns her head in the direction of Dina to see the young woman holding her guitar case.

At this sight Ellies jumps off the bed, practically running towards Dina and taking the casa of her hands. “What the fuck you think you are doing?”

“Bringing your guitar?” she has confusion written all over her face. 

“You can’t lift anything heavy, Dina. It’s not good for the baby.” 

Dina stares at the woman waiting for any signal of a joke but she only receives a serious expression and then Ellie turns around and goes sit on the bed, opening the case and putting the guitar on her lap. “Ellie is a guitar case, not a fucking pile of rocks.”

“Still.” she doesn’t extend her argument, just taps on the bed next to her for Dina to sits.

“You do know that I’m just pregnant, not in terminal state, right?”

“Be a smart ass as long as you want, but I read on the baby book that you shouldn’t lift any weight. Let this and anything else for me, ok?”

“What baby book?” is a genuine curiosity that sparks at Dina, also it helps that Ellie blushes when she realizes she talked about the book.

“Joel gave me one, he found on that book shop inside that mall in his route.”

“Sure, he found” she makes de comas with her hands “Like that poor old man didn’t spend hours looking for this book to give it to you.”

“Regardless, he gave me one and I’ve been reading. So can you listen to the book and stop lifting anything heavy? I don’t want even think about what you do when I’m not here to keep an eye on you.”

“You really are reading a book?”

“Yeah well, I have to, I have no idea how to deal with a baby.” she says like it’s nothing, trying not to let her shyness takes over her and then starts playing the guitar. She only gets a few seconds of music before Dina’s hands lay on top of hers and stop her movement.

“Neither do I.”

“Yeah, but you will get your mother instincts and I will be in disadvantage.”

“It’s not a superpower, you dork.” Dina laughs, taking her hand from Ellie’s and leading to the side of her neck. She leans in and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. “Thank you, for reading about it, for worrying about me and doing this with me, you know?”

“Thank you for believing that I will be good enough.” Ellie doesn’t look at her, keeping her eyes to the guitar strings in her fingertips but allowing her voice to show her vulnerability. “Enough of that, you wanted a private concert so be quiet.”

And after that the only sound in her place was made from her guitar, because they didn’t have anything to say at that moment, everything was already said.

**...**

One thing good about her shifts patrolling, spending time with Joel and helping out Dina with the things for the baby is that Ellie sleeps like a rock at night. That day was so long because she went patrolling a few houses at north from Jackson to make sure everything was clear and no sight of infects, she and Jesse found what looked like a military bunker with three dead bodies, apparently the family stocked too many weapons and too little food so they probably starve to death. The result was a long a new weapons and ammunition for Jackson, but it was a lot for only her and Jesse to bring back.

Another thing was the crib she tried to assemble all night at Dina’s, the damn was kicking her ass and she refused to bother Joel to ask for help since she assured Dina that she could do it. She didn’t. But Ellie was stubborn, so she kept trying ( _and falling_ ) until Dina put her arms around her and whispered on her ear for her to go to bed.

Who is Ellie to deny such a nicely asked request?

Usually, when she is this tired she wakes up with the morning sun flashing coming through the window. But this night is a voice calling for her and a hand softly shaking her shoulder.“Ellie?”

“What happened?” she knows she should be on alert when things like this happens but the only reaction she has is pushing the woman’s body closer to her and not even bother to open her eyes.

“Nothing, I just…” 

“What’s wrong, babe?” at the lack of response from her girlfriend Ellie opens her eyes. The light from the street post lightning the room a bit, allowing her a view of Dina’s face.

“I’m hungry.” 

“Ok, do you… do you want me to cook you something?” Ellie asks and moves on the bed, lifting herself by the elbow.

“You wanna know what I really want right now?” she is using her soft bedroom voice, the one she reserves exclusively for Ellie. She traces the line of Ellie’s eyebrow with her fingers.

“What?”

Dina waits for a second, pondering if she should really say, then she leans in to whisper in Ellie’s ear. “Strawberries.”

“Ok,” Ellie says, not understanding what is the big deal “do you have any?”

“No, but I know the town’s greenhouse has a few.”

“Dina,” the taller woman sighs, looking at the bedside table where the clock is. “is two in the morning, the greenhouse is locked.”

“Oh.” she tries to hide the disappointment in her voice, but Ellie is capable of seeing through.

She sits and passes a hand in face and hair, turning back to look at Dina that is still laying in bed next to her. “It this one of those craving things we read in the book?”

“I don’t know, I just woke up with my mouth watering for some strawberries.”

“You want me to go check if I can steal a few from the greenhouse, don’t you?”

Ellie barely closes her mouth before Dina is already sitting behind her, passing her arms around the woman’s waist and planting kisses on her shoulder blades. “Would you? Please?”

So Ellie gets up, dresses herself quite slowly and heads towards the door but not before Dina catches her and giving her a kiss on the lips, then she is out of the door.

The town is empty and cold, she walks down the street in the direction of the greenhouse, there isn’t one soul walking around at that time besides herself.

When she gets in the greenhouse her suspicions are proved correct, the place is locked. Breaking in to steal a few even crosses her mind but not only is so much work since the locks are quite solid, she also doesn’t want to deal with a town meeting to deal with people taking supplies without supervision. So she is almost going back to Dina’s place with empty hands until a memory crosses her mind “ _Seth has a strawberry tree in his backyard_ ”

That’s how she ends up standing in front of Seth’s house, hands in her pockets, looking at the sides to make sure no one else is there to witness her sneaking in.

She doesn’t feel sorry at all when she jumps the fence of his backyard and walks as quiet as she can to the direction of the strawberry tree, making sure to pay attention if the house stays dark. Turns up the asshole has many trees, all beautiful with a bunch of fruits asking to be picked up, all bright red and big. She spends some time cursing herself for forgetting to bring a bag or anything to put the fruits, aware she won’t be able to hold the fruits and jumping the fence or take it on her pockets without destroying them, she takes her shirt off and folds in a way she can use as an improvised basket.

While she picks the best looking strawberries her smile is unstoppable, who would think that Ellie Williams would be shirtless, dressing a pair of jeans and a bra, in Seth’s property. 

She may agree with anyone who argues that she went over the top, cleaning one tree out of any fruits, must be at least fifty strawberries in her shirt. “Fuck it, that bigot deserves.” It’s what she says to herself when tying the shirt.

Everything goes according to the plan and Ellie is surprised how well things are going, until the lack of light in the backyard makes kick a metal bucket that ends up making a noise that is amplified by the quietness of the night. She stays still for half a second cursing herself in her mind and holding tightly the shirt, before her brain is capable of knowing that to do she hears a growl followed by a dog bark.

She doesn’t have time to turn to the other side of the backyard where the bark came from because right after she can hear the sound of paws running in the dirty, so she does the only logical thing: she runs too.

“Fucking hell!” Ellie sprints towards the direction of the fence that would lead her to the main street and when she is close enough the light of the bedroom on the second-floor lights and she can hear a masculine voice screaming from inside the house.

“Who is there?”

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” it is clear that the man is coming towards the front porch to see who is in his place by the sound of his footsteps, if she jumps the fence he will able to see her and that’s a whole another problem she isn’t even capable of processing right now. So she changes the direction, going to the back of the house.

That’s when she ends up face to face with a big german shepherd and doesn’t even have time to do anything besides protecting her face before the dog jumps towards her. She falls on the floor with the dog on top of her, the animal bites the middle of her pants, probably Seth taught him to attack that part of the body imagining the intruder would be a man, lucky for her the jeans she is wearing is loose and she has nothing in the middle of the leg that the dog would hurt. His teeth pass through the jeans and he starts pulling, tearing the fabric. 

By instinct she punches the dog in the head, enough for him to let go of her clothes and feel dizzy for a while, that’s when she gets up and run. 

She knows she won’t be able to reach the fence in the back by the sounds of the dog running after her, so she jumps at one large branch of the tree closer to the fence to leave the dog’s reach. The feeling of a few strawberries being squished when she forces herself with both hands to climb the tree, the dog is at the bottom of the tree and doesn’t stop barking for a second. 

Ellie is able to move from the left side of the tree, holding her shirt for her dear life, thinking how the hell she is going to leave that place without getting caught by Seth. She could throw the shirt with the fruit as far as she can to see if the dog would follow the noise and then she could get down and jump the back of the fence and go to Dina’s crossing other people’s property, but that would mean losing the god damn strawberries she fought so hard to get. She could just jump to the neighbor's backyard but would be one hell of a jump.

She is contemplating if Dina would be so mad if she goes back with no fruit at all, that’s when she sees Seth opening the front door using some ridiculous pajamas and holding nothing less than a shotgun. The fucker of the german shepherd keeps barking so would only be seconds before the man releases the intruder is on top of his three, so before she can think straight Ellie just throws the shirt with the fruits above the fence and follows.

Her landing could be worse, she ends up in a pud of muddle and doesn’t even have time to get angry at the dirty all over her face and body because the dog is now barking at the fence and she can hear Seth running towards there. So she gets up, makes sure she didn’t break anything, picks up the shirt with her treasure and just runs to the street.

“Oh my god, Ellie, why are you all dirty?” is what Dina says once she opens the door, facing a breathless Ellie with mud all over her face and torso, shirtless, with the middle of her pants ripped and piece of cloth that is brow and red at the same time.

Ellie passes her and enters the house, standing in the middle of the living room catching her breath before speaking. “Did you know Seth has a fucking dog now?”

“Yes, he got one because some kids kept on stealing his fruits and vegetables. Why?” Dina closes the door and stares at Ellie, it took her about five seconds to connect the dots. “Oh god, you went to Seth’s back yard? Are you insane? As if that man isn’t looking for an excuse to shoot you.”

“The greenhouse is locked, so it was the only place I knew it had strawberries.” Ellie hands her the shirt. “I think a few got squished and are dirty because of the mud but you can wash them, I picked almost fifty.”

“Oh babe, you didn’t have to.” the shorter woman puts the piece of fabric on the table next to Ellie and goes to her embrace, not caring if she is disgusting, wrapping her hands on her neck.

“But you wanted it, I couldn’t let you without, what if our little buddy is born and they look just like a strawberry?”

“You are unbelievable, you know that right?”

**…**

“I read in the book of yours that talking to the baby is a good thing.” Dina brings the topic out of nowhere, she is currently sitting on the couch while Ellie puts the DVD of a film she found during patrol.

“I know” Ellie turns her head to Dina. “I just think is kind of weird talking to your stomach.”

She finishes pressing play and placing the cover on the floor, walking to the couch to sit next to her girlfriend. “I will talk once he is out of your body,”

“No shit, Sherlock. But don’t you want the baby to recognize your voice?”

“Of course, but I don’t want you hearing my deep conversation with him about space and maybe this film we will watch that Joel didn’t want to tell me about it. I mean the guy sits with me and watches Terminator and a bunch of shit but he draws the line at a musical called Rocky Horror Picture Show?”

Dina knows she is deflecting the question, so she doesn’t push. “You are the boss, you weirdo. Let’s watch this forbidden film of yours”

The conversation ends just like that, both women watching the story development in her tv and Dina thinks that Ellie will stick to her word.

Is the middle of the afternoon and Ellie has a day off. They went to the clinic in the morning to make sure everything was fine with the baby and then went to the restaurant to have lunch together, all the walking making Dina exhausted so once she entered the house she was passed out in the bed.

Her mind wakes up before her body, so Dina is fully conscious she is laying in her bed, the sun isn’t too strong now, there is a body lying next to her that by the known smell she knows is Ellie. That’s not unusual, what is unusual is that Ellie is talking to herself.

Takes her a moment to understand that Ellie isn’t talking to herself, she is singing softly a song Dina never heard before and she is caressing her tumb in Dina’s stomach. That’s Dina much more time to get the full perspective of the scene: Ellie isn’t randomly singing, she is singing to the baby.

 _“She gives my everything, and tenderly. The kiss my lover brings, she brings to me and I love her.”_ she keeps quiet for a second before adjusting her head in Dina’s breast trying not to make any sudden movement before returning to her singing. _“A love like ours / could never die as long as I have you near me.”_

_“Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky. I know this love of mine will never die, and I love her.”_

She tries staying not to move and stays as quiet as she can, the last thing she wants is to make Ellie think she is overhearing her intimate moment with the baby after she probably gathered so much courage to do it. But right after Ellie finishes the verse again the baby kicks, and Ellie lifts her head so abruptly from Dina and stares at the stomach where her hand is still placed.

She turns her head and finds Dina looking at her. “Did you do that?”

“Of course not, I don’t even think it is possible.” her voice is still a bit hoarse because of her nap.

“Never happened like this. Not with only me.”

“How long have you been doing this?” curiosity taking over Dina, before Ellie said that sentence she was sure today was the first time she ever did that.

“A few times, I thought about after we had that talk, but never happened before Dina!”

Trying to calm the desperation in Ellie’s voice Dina just tries to explain as she can. “I know baby, he probably knows it’s you and likes your voice.”

“Oh.” is the only thing Ellie says, her eyes leaving Dina’s and going back to focus on the belly in front of her. The next thing Dina knows is that Ellie is crying.

**…**

By the time Dina is in the middle of six months pregnant she and Ellie basically live together without having never talked about it.

Ellie used to go early every morning to have breakfast with her and make sure Dina is taking her vitamins, making sure she isn’t in need of any help and also say goodbye before every shift. Then she would rush from the stables to home, take a fast shower and changing her clothes before sprinting to Dina’s house where the other woman would be waiting for her to have dinner.

After a while Dina suggests her to leave a pair of clean clothes in her place so she could go right away, no need to stop by her house and walking all the way back. So they did that.

But sure that wasn’t enough, because a couple of weeks after that Ellie used an excuse that Dina could wake up in the middle of the night needing something so she made an arrangement with Joel to spend the night there, in return she would go home to have dinner with him at least once a week. And it went well, but she missed spending time with Joel, so now she is taking Dina to his house almost every night where the three of them have dinner together and stay talking for a few hours.

Joel couldn’t be happier, by the way. He loves that he is spending more time with Ellie, he also is quite the fan of Dina but honestly how could he not be? That woman knows how to charm people. The fact that he gets to tell baby stories about Sarah and share his knowledge on how to be a parent also warms his heart.

It is Friday night and the couple is returning home after having dinner at Joel’s and his failed attempt of making chili which ends up with him running to the Diner and asking for three of the night’s special to go.

“As much as I love Joel, the walk is killing me.” Dina speaks right before throwing herself on the couch, kicking her shoes out of her feet and resting her head on the back of the sofa.

“What you mean?”

“This baby is sucking my life energy as they grow.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Ellie laughs at her drastic response, picking up her shoes and placing them next to the door.

“Oh, I would love to see you in my shoes.” at that she throws a pillow in Ellie’s direction, sighing when the tall woman easily deflects from it. “You would be whining all day long.”

“Like you are doing right now?”

“Oh fuck you.”

“C’mon.” Ellie says sitting next to Dina on the couch and tapping on her tights. “Give me your feet.”

“What is this? Are you like those people in Eugene’s porn that is freaky for feet now?”

She can’t help the red that takes over her cheeks to the mention of Eugene’s films, they watched once just to joke around, nothing about that shit-show had aroused Ellie in any way but she still felt embarrassed when she remembers. “Dina, shut up. Just give me your feet.” 

The shorter woman raises her feet from the floor and places both of them in Ellie’s lap, still staring at her in a funny way like she always does when she is teasing. She is about to make another dumb joke when feeling of Ellie’s long fingers holding her right foot while her thumb applies pressure on her sole, so the only thing that leaves her mouth is a small moan of pleasure.

“How did I never know you could do this?”

“You never asked, I would be happy to alleviate your discomfort as much as you can.” she can’t help her eyebrows to raise, taking the simple phrase to a whole different level.

“God, I love you.”

**…**

When JJ is born all the planning Ellie did, all the books she read, all the mental preparation made during months is out of the window. Turns out having a newborn is way harder than everyone told her. 

Dina is exhausted in the first few days after the birth, and she should because it was almost fourteen hours of labor with Ellie by her side feeling anxious and useless during the whole process until she heard a cry and the next thing she knows the doctor is handing her a tiny baby wrapped around a piece of fabric. He was so little that she was afraid of hurting him for a moment, not daring to move one step when she had him pressed against her chest, only when the doctor basically had to give her a little push to make her walk towards the bed, sitting on the edge close to Dina.

The doctors order Dina to be in bed rest for the first week after she goes home, so that means Ellie is responsible for everything. She takes some time off patrolling, Maria is pissed that she even had to ask in the first place, Joel goes by every night to deliver to her dinner and help her out with as much as he can if it is cleaning or putting the baby to sleep. He is quite a soft grandpa if she can be honest.

The worst part by far is how fucked up her sleeping schedule is, there aren’t enough hours in the day for her to do everything around the house, cooking, making sure Dina is ok and also keeping up with a baby with no sense of time. During the second day she is sure the little boy hates her because every time she lays down to sleep he starts to cry, sometimes is hunger, sometimes is for having his diaper changed, sometimes is just for the heck of it.

“I think he hates me.” she whispers to Dina after laying in bed, throwing her tattooed arm in front of her eyes, keeping her voice as low as she can so the baby doesn’t wake up since his crib is in their room.

“Who?” her girlfriend puts her book down, she has been reading a lot to keep her mind busy since she can’t get up to do anything besides go to the bathroom, fingers caressing Ellie’s hair.

“JJ, he hates me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ellie.”

“I’m not!” she raised her voice a bit, cursing herself in her mind and looking in the direction of the crib to make sure the boy is still asleep. “Dina, he cries all the time.”

“He is a baby, Ellie, what did you expect?”

“He doesn’t cry when he is with you, or Jesse, or Joel.” she doesn’t even realize she is pouting.

“Well, of course he doesn’t. I only hold him when he needs to eat, Joel only comes here at night, and Jesse once every two days because of their jobs. You stay with him the whole day, of course you will hear him cry more.”

No word leaves her mouth, she just stares at the ceiling. “You still think he hates you, don’t you?”

“Shut up.”

They don’t talk about this conspiracy theory of Ellie anymore and the days pass, by the end of the week she is sleeping in bed with Dina until a loud cry wakes her up, she jumps out of the bed and picks him up but he doesn’t stop crying, she checks his diaper and it’s clean, he gives him to Dina to see if he is hungry and he isn’t.

She knows Dina will suggest for her to stay in bed while she walks with him, that woman is looking for a way out of the doctor’s orders since day one, even if tonight is the last day of her bed rest Ellie doesn’t want her to push her luck. “I’m gonna take him downstairs to see if he stops crying, go back to sleep.” And just as she finishes the phrase she plants a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead before heading out of the room.

A few minutes after she leaves the room Dina can hear that the baby stopped crying, so she waits for Ellie to return and when that doesn’t happen she just assumes she is too afraid of moving right away and waking him up. So she decides to follow Ellie’s command and sleep, tomorrow will be her first day she will actually be able to do anything without having Ellie complaining about it.

When she wakes up the sun is entering the bedroom window, she looks at the side and Ellie isn’t there and neither is JJ at his crib, so Dina gets up slowly making sure she isn’t dizzy or anything before heading downstairs.

Just when she reaches the middle of the stairs her eyes are locked in the most beautiful and sweet scene she ever has seen, Ellie didn’t come back to the bedroom because she is sleeping like a rock on the couch with one of her legs on top of the coffee table and JJ tugged on her chest with both of her arms around him, keeping him close and safe.

“He hates you alright.” she speaks to herself, passing them on the couch and heading to the kitchen to make breakfast.

**…**

Dina drops her body on the couch next to Ellie, resting her head in the taller woman’s chest and placing her hand in the stomach above the t-shirt.

“Is he out?” Ellie asks, putting her arm around her girlfriend’s waist and pulling her closer.

“Finally.” she can hear the exhaustion in Dina’s voice. “Your son was on fire today, I think this is the first time he slept during the whole day.”

“Oh, so when he behaves badly he is my son?”

“Of course.” Dina smirks at her after answering.

“Hey, if you are really tired we can forget the film and just go to bed.”

“No, I really wanna spend some time alone with you, even if is to watch another one of your musicals.” she makes fun of Ellie’s new obsession, but it’s true, after watching the first musical months ago this is now Ellie comfort genre of films.

At that green light, Ellie presses play on the remote, letting the film begins. She is sure Dina will be asleep before they even reach the middle of the thing, the poor woman is exhausted, the new routine is taking so much of them to get used. 

They get past the middle of the movie, the main character of the film is currently singing to Mr. Arnstein that she is there, when Ellie notices that Dina is no longer paying attention. But unlikely her first thought she isn’t softy snoring in Ellie’s shoulder, in fact, she is far from that.

She firsts notices Dina throwing her left leg over Ellie’s, but nothing happens for a while after that. Then her fingers trace slower patterns on the lower part of her abdomen, this time under the shirt, but she doesn’t think anything by that after all her girlfriend is an affectionate person. Later is hot breathes in her neck, followed by tine peacocks on the connection of her collarbone and neck.

Isn’t until she feels the pressure of teeth bitting that spot on her neck that always drives her insane and makes a shiver goes up and down her spine that she does something about it.

“What you doing there?” Ellie asks, her voice goes out a little breathless.

“Nothing.” is the answer that leaves Dina’s mouth, with that fake hint of innocence she knows it doesn’t belong in situations like this one, she contradicts herself as she doesn’t end her ministrations but deeps them.

“Doesn’t feel like nothing to me!” 

“Is that so?”

“I thought you were tired.”

“I am, but I just miss you so much, babe.” the confession is so breathly in Ellie’s lips before the other woman leans in and connect their mouths. 

True be told, Ellie also misses her, quite fondly. She doesn’t remember exactly the last time they had sex, Dina had a super horny phase during her fifth or sixth month of pregnancy that took almost all the vital energy Ellie had, but after that things went cold. Her girlfriend’s discomfort with her new body grew significantly, then JJ came into the world, then Dina had to go through recovery from the birth, so when that passed they were just too tired adjusting their new routine to even think about trying anything. 

So when the opportunity presents Ellie doesn’t need to think twice, sending the exhaustion of the long shift to hell, she moves her body to turn in Dina’s direction before letting both of her hands take place in her girlfriends’ waist pulling her closer while kissing her deeply.

That kiss lights something in them, is like they were living in the desert and after so long someone offered them a glass of cold water. Is breathtaking, intense and Ellie does nothing to stop the feeling of being overflowed with desire.

The need for being closer makes Ellie clench both of her hands in Dina’s tights and pulls her to sit on her lap, each leg resting on the side of her waist. This new position gives room for Ellie to move her mouth from Dina's to her neck, kissing tight under the ear and receiving a small moan in return. It also allows her hands to pass on the body on top of her more freely, she takes advantage of Dina's loose clothes and drags her hand under her shirt, feeling the heat emanating from the skin.

Dina also makes moves of her own, leaning her head back to allow Ellie more access on her throat and grinds her hips down, taking every bit of friction she can have from her girlfriend's toned abdomen. 

Even with so many barriers between them, the movement is enough to give it a taste of what they missed so much. 

"Why we went so long without doing this?"

"I don't know, we are dumb as fuck." she responds not paying much attention, the voice coming out hoarse of desire and muffled because she was busy biting down Dina's collar bones, hands picking the fabric down to give more space. 

The number of layers keeping them apart reaches the level of anger enough for Ellie, she leans back creating the minimal space necessary between them so she could take Dina's shirt off her and throwing on the floor in the middle of the living room. She planned to return

her attention immediately to kissing the body in front of her, but the sight of the smaller woman torso in front of her makes her stop.

"God, you are such a boob girl." 

She is, and she won't deny it. It's her favorite part of her girlfriend's body, she used to spend so long just in that particular spot to a point that Dina always has to drag her out of there. It's been so long since she last touched, and pregnancy suited Dina so much because her boobs are bigger now almost twice the regular size, so Ellie goes in excitedly. maybe too excited because when her palm covers the nipple and squeezes a whimper of pain comes out of Dina's lips instead of a moan.

"Fuck, stop." she speaks and hands hold Ellie’s hair in an attempt to make her mouth stay away from where it was.

"What? What's wrong?" red is the color taking over Ellie’s cheeks at the moment, she also can’t hide the worry in her voice at the abrupt stop.

"Nothing, just hurts."

"Oh, but you always liked this way."

"I know, it's just... I think they overly sensitive after de baby."

"You want to stop?"

"No!" realizing she may have spoken too loudly and fast at the question Dina takes a deep breath before trying it again. "Just be gentle, alright?"

And gentle she is, it is a little difficult if she is being honest about it, the desperation trying to take over her many times but she sticks to her word. She passes her fingers slowly and softly on the breast while giving everything in a kiss that is all tongue and desire. 

They continue like this until at some point the ministrations became too much, only pressing her hips down in search of friction against Ellie’s stomach feels more like edging and not relive, so Dina takes one of her hands from Ellie’s hair and leads to covers her girlfriend’s, slowly moving from her waist and dragging down to between her legs. 

Even above the layers of sweatpants Ellie can feel the warm heath emanating from there, by instinct she presses her fingers in a circular movement and is awarded with a harder roll of hips pressing firmly against her hand together with a slurry moan.

“ _Babe, please._ ”

In any other situation, Ellie would have teased about the other woman begging so soon, but she wasn’t much behind on the scale of being turn on by this whole scenario. Not wasting one more second her hand slipped inside the pants and underwear, coming in full contact with Dina’s drenched lower lips. 

The moment her two fingers came in contact with the spot they needed the most everything stopped for a second, neither of them daring to move an inch until they couldn’t stay still and lust took over.

Then it was all fast breathing, hard movements and filthy whispers. The room reeking of sex and sweat, Ellie giving everything she can in that uncomfortable position and Dina doing her best to keep it quiet. 

It isn’t long before Ellie can feel and see how close Dina is, her hips move fast and without rhythm, her moans keep getting louder and louder each second passing, the hands she has on Ellie’s hair and shoulder for support starts to sink into the skin. She can feel Dina pulsing in her hand, so close. 

“ _Don’t stop, don’t stop._ ” she moans, her eyes still closed. 

Ellie doesn’t have a plan on stopping any time soon, but she knows this is mostly Dina talking to herself too lost in her own, she always was such a talker. The woman on top throws her head back like she always does when she is about to reach climax when a loud sound is heard and doesn’t come from either of them.

Ellie stops right away, trying to understand where the noise is coming from. Dina just whines and keeps trying to move her hips in a lost hope she will be able to get enough friction from Ellie’s motionless fingers for her to reach the so anticipated orgasm.

“Babe, what are you doing?” is clear that she is on the verge of tears while Ellie’s head is turned to the direction of the staircase. “Please.”

After a second something clicks in Ellie’s fogged with horniness and she just drops her head in Dina’s shoulder, pulling her hand from inside of the pants and letting out a growl before speaking. “Your son is crying.”

“What?” is like her mind can’t deal with the frustration of having her first orgasm in months stolen from her at the last second and this new information. “My.. What?”

“Dina, the baby is crying.” Ellie says more firm now, hands placed in Dina’s hips holding her still, her head makes a movement towards the stairs to bring Dina’s attention to the noise, and she does after being quiet and listening for a second.

“I can’t believe this.” she says dropping her head on top of Ellie’s.

“You going to check on him or should I?”

“Ellie, I’m certain that I can’t stand right now without collapsing.”

“Can you move?” the question is asked with a smile on her lips and she basically moves the woman herself, placing her on the spot on the couch next to her before standing and sprinting to the stars while trying to clean her hand in her jeans.

When she gets into the room JJ is still crying like someone is beating him, she would never understand how a child that small could make so much noise.

“Hey, buddy.” leading over his crib she picks him, resting his body against hers and moving from side to side with him. “What’s wrong?”

Just like magic, once the little boy becomes aware that he is in someone’s arm he stops crying and decides to play with Ellie’s hair like he always does with her, which consists of pulling her hair until she makes a noise pretending she is in pain so he giggles. “You were lonely, weren’t you? You don’t like being all alone in this big room, right?”

She sits on the bed, back resting against the headboard, holding the baby while making him stand in her thighs. Ellie doesn’t notice that Dina had recovered from their activity downstairs and is standing with arms crossed on the doorstep, so she continues to talk to JJ while he stares at her and makes bubbles of spit. “I’m sorry we let you here, buddy. We are bad mommies, I know. But if it helps you interrupt our very missed S-E-X...”

“Ellie!”

**…**

It’s Ellie’s birthday and Dina, with the help of Joel, makes her a surprise birthday dinner at their place. 

Isn’t anything huge, far from that, it’s just dinner with Ellie, her girlfriend, their son, Joel, Tommy, Maria, Jesse and his parents that became such fans of her after the whole grandchild and started treating her like family. 

Even if it is just a small number of people, the amount of food is enough for an army, the result is everyone eating much more than they should and spending the rest of the night sitting on every place they can while drinking wine. Ellie doesn’t like parties, this probably will never change, but she doesn’t mind this one, it feels nice having her favorite people with her.

“Dear Lord, I can’t believe this kid is growing so fast.” is Tommy who says it, he always is suppressed by how big JJ is every time he sees him. Now the little boy is sitting on Joel’s legs while the old man holds him.

Dina laughs at that, she should be used to people saying that all the time but even she can’t believe sometimes how big he is. “I know right, he is a big ball of muscle right now.”

“He takes that from me.” Jesse’s voice is heard from behind the couch, he is still sitting on the table eating his second plate of food.

“Sure, Jesse.” is the only thing Dina says, not caring to hide her roll of eyes.

“How old is he again, honey?” Marias asks, she is sitting next to Joel on the couch, one hand holding her glass of red wine and the other messing with JJ’s hair.

“He just turned eleven months last week.”

“Wow,” Joel whistles, putting the boy to stand on his knees now. “it feels like yesterday that he was so tiny Ellie came into my house almost crying because she was afraid of crushing him.”

Ellie, who is sitting on the floor beside the armchair where Dina is sitting, looks at him offended. “Shut up. Don’t listen to him, buddy, mama will never crush you.” she says looking and waving at the little boy.

“Mama.” to the surprise of every single adult soul in the living room those words come out of JJ. The whole room goes dead silent, everyone looking at each other to make sure they didn’t imagine the words leaving his mouth, but the boy just waves his small arms in Ellie's direction and repeats. “Mama!”

Joel is busy trying to hold the boy still while he does his best to throw himself at Ellie’s, the woman in question is static in her spot looking at the little boy with her mouth open in disbelief. The first one to speak is Jesse. “I can’t believe I spend hours with this kid trying to make him say ‘papa’ and his first words are ‘mama’, this is so fucked.”

His mom slaps his arm and gives him a hard look. “Jesse, don’t say this word in front of a child.” 

“What? Like they don’t say worse.”

And just like that the room erupts in noise, Jesse defending himself to his parents, Joel proudly talking to Tommy how JJ must be a prodigy or something close to that, like isn’t normal for kids to start talking between their 10th and 14th months. Dina is trying to make Maria believe the boy never did this before and they didn’t set this up as a surprise to everyone.

Ellie takes advantage that every person seems to be in their own little world and stretches her arms in JJ’s direction, ending the boy’s desperation and picking him from Joel, putting the boy standing in her tights, he gets busy pulling her shirt. Ellie keeps looking at the child, her eyes tearful. “Don’t worry, buddy. Mama is here for you, forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> the pop culture references in this fic: the musical ellie first watches with dina is "the rocky horror picture show". the song she sings to the jj while he is still on dina's belly is "and i love her" by the beatles. the second musical she watches is "funny girl."
> 
> thank your for reading.  
> huge thanks to everyone who gave it a kudo/bookmark/comment.  
> see yall on the next story, alright?


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